Fucked it up

She's trying to push me away. I feel it. That horoscope is more talkative than she pretends she is.

I've been in her apartment just twice. Enough times to get the fresh air that's comming through the window. I think she's brown, no...she's blond...no...she's...whatever. She types faster than me. With her hands she can handle a cigarrette with the art of a Godess. She doesn't eat meat or something that can turn his body into something toxic but she does drugs. I'm just the other way around. I only do proteins, that's my only drug and whiskey when I feel she's not next to me.

And I feel like that. Like she doesn't care anymore. Like she's not next to me so that would be the perfect excuse to leave proteins aside and start wasting me in whisky. You want to feel balance. I want to feel balance. But I just lose my balance everytime beauty knocks at my door and everytime I'm inspired by art or by some kind of beer. And then I saw your lips, remembering those lips of the summer, that fresh air comming through the window in a saturday morning after a hard party. And then it is your determination in doing something, the way you see the world. And the way you could see our world in a dummy afternoon.

I'm wasted here at home, looking foward to see you  again. How for? Nothing. There's just nothing we can get from anything. So I open another can, the sounds remains me you opening a can too. And then myself says: don't do it, don't call her again. You are disturbing, you stubborn!  But then you do it, and this is who it works.

Between, I hate your balance. I hate the way I feel when nothing gets better. You guessed it, sometimes too emotional is just my description. Passionate. No one wants to be around someone who's passionate.

I want to your apartment, just in my mind. We made love like love's not meant to be done. We shared things like we shouldn't be sharing those things. We slept alone. Just in my mind that there was a story you couldn't guess.

It hurts when a person who doesn't know you throws an arrow and then hits the core of the sittuation, like you wouldn't expect anyone to reach that fucking and heated core.

I just fucked it up. Fucked it up once again in my life.


*